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Sunday, October 5, 2008 | 11:21 PM
Trust Me
I have noticed that I am always doubting what people say lately. Anytime anyone tells me they are going to do something, I am very skeptical. I feel bad about it because I find myself doubting things Sarah says, even when I know she would never lie to me or tell me she was going to do something and then not do it. Its stupid.

I know where it comes from, and I hate to make generalizations, but I have to say its mens fault.

I was bi-sexual before I stuck with the ladies. Every relationship I was in with a man, I ended up getting hurt by their lies. Most of the time they were lying about cheating on me. I think thats the most popular thing for men to lie about. To be fair, women cheat and lie about it just as much, but I didnt. Ok, I did, but only a couple times and it was while I was with the same guy. It was the only times I ever cheated and its not like he told the rest of the guys I dated.

I actually came quite close to marrying one of those guys. Thank God I didnt. It was such a dysfunctional relationship. For starters, it was an open relationship. The only rule was I got to meet the other girls he was sleeping with first, and he got to meet the other girls I was sleeping with, and if one of us didnt approve of the candidate, we had to keep looking for someone else.

We were going to let this continue into our marriage. How fucked up of a marriage would that have been? I left him a week before the wedding date when I found out he was cheating on me with one of my ex-girlfriends-on-the-side. I wouldnt have had a problem with it if he followed the rules, but he wasnt even able to do that. So I left him and stayed with the girl I was currently seeing on the side. I was also 19 at the time. Too young to tie the knot, in my opinion.

But anyways, I always give Sarah the respect she deserves and tell myself I would be crazy to think she was lying to me, but I cant do that with everyone else in my life. I guess the goal now is to learn to trust people, but I am a firm believer in earning trust. It doesnt feel like the rest of these people have earned my trust. Then again, I may just have too high of standards set for them. Either way, I have to figure this out before I ruin some important relationships.

- Taylor


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